Hi Blogosphere!

 Hi Blog!
This is my first time doing this. I think during lockdown we are all feeling lonely or sad and I'm hoping that this blog will help me and possibly you through it. 
I'm Zabrina! I just turned 18 on 14th January, but obviously haven't been able to celebrate :(
I'm in the process of auditioning for universities and it's honestly stressing me out a little. I'm also slightly concerned that I have been playing my sad playlist on repeat since I made it and haven't listened to anything but it and a few podcasts. Anyway, I'm auditioning to do Musical Theatre at university... so I guess I'm not just another girl with a blog I'm also a theatre kid! Even better yet I'm a hopeless romantic that doesn't relate to anybody's longing for a nice happy relationship. Like yeah, I want a boyfriend but I want a toxic boyfriend... one of those from the books or movies. Someone who controls my life so I can let go. 
Everyone tries to convince me this isn't true but I have crippling anxiety and not having to make decisions would make me 10x happier. 
Ok ignore what I said about this helping others... this is a rant and the most this could do is make people realize they aren't as strange as they think they are.
I love blogs because they always seemed alternative and trendy, plus, there's no fear that people I know will see this and realize it's me. In some ways, this is much more personal than a youtube video or a TikTok (my TikTok is zeddyosborne.... go follow me)- cheeky little plug ;) 
Anyway, this is more personal but I feel so much more confident in expressing myself. I've always loved reading and writing but never in the conventional 'I want to major in English Lit...' sort of way but more an appreciative way. I am grateful for how a book can make me feel, make me sit in my room for a week encapsulated by the story, and just (I know its cliche) lose myself in the story. 
Something I should mention is that I am a plus-size girl and although people like to butter me up and say "there's no way you are plus size...", it is true. Truer than anything I've ever said. But I don't hate myself for it, in fact, I love my body. Sometimes it's a struggle when I see someone in an outfit that I know, wouldn't suit me but everyone has that. Right? 
Back on topic. The reason I like books is that I will never feel those intense, passionate emotions because lets be honest not many guys fall head over heels for a girl who bigger than a size 10 and I don't wanna change to get a guy.
My favourite song at the moment is Drivers License by Olivia Rodrigo. Slightly typical right now but it resonates with me not because I'm heartbroken or can drive but because the pain in her voice makes me feel less alone, it makes it seem as if everyone experiences pain on my level. The sort of self-deprecating pain that never really goes away. That's why it will forever be my favourite song.
More about me I am currently at Sixth Form College and I do Maths, Psychology, and Performing Arts. You may hear maths and think 'wow she's smart'.... nope. I'm actually failing maths :( 
I do love maths but lockdown made it hard to learn and I gave up on myself and my brain.
Talking about how much I like books and reading... I try to write my own shit sometimes, it's not good but I try. Anyway, I might post my first page of the thing I wrote on here. It was supposed to be centered around a girl who was longing for a certain boy to be her focus in a crowded room but drifted off into a weird place of a description of buses and the winter cold.
Do you get that? The need for that boy to no matter where you are or who you are to be your focus, your center, your home. That's all I longed for at the time. My friend said the texts I was sending to her were poetic and the great start to a book but once the inspiration left so did the storyline.
Returning back to this whole introduction topic, if you are reading this I hope this either makes you feel less alone or more normal than ever. I hope that whoever finds this has a great day tomorrow and every day for the rest of your lives because we all deserve good days.
This is me signing off... speak to you soon!
Zabrina x